Listen Like You Mean It: How to Become a better listener

Learning to listen well can change your life.

It can restore broken relationships, strengthen trust, and bring out your very best.

But let’s be honest — most of us aren’t good listeners.

We think we are, but often we’re just waiting for our turn to talk.

The problem with how we listen

Oscar Trimboli, in the Coaching for Leaders podcast, outlines four habits that derail real listening. You might recognise yourself in one or two of these.

The Dramatic Listener

Listens eagerly — but only to find a way to tell a bigger, better story.

They seem interested but can’t wait to jump in with, “That’s nothing — you should’ve seen what happened to me!”

The Interruptive Listener

Means well. Wants to help.

But they jump in too early with solutions, never letting you finish your thought. Their speed to fix becomes the barrier to connection.

The Lost Listener

Is physically present but mentally absent.

They nod politely, check their phone, and then ask, “Sorry, what was that again?”

The Shrewd Listener

Thinks they already know where you’re going.

While you’re still speaking, they’ve diagnosed your issue, formed their conclusion, and moved on in their mind.

Each of these listeners is more focused on themselves than the person speaking.

And that’s the real issue: poor listening is a sign of misplaced attention.

How to become a better listener

Start by asking yourself one question before any conversation:

What is my goal in listening to this person?

If your goal is to truly understand—not fix, not impress, not escape—then your behaviour will follow.

Here are a few simple ways to show it:

• Make eye contact. Not a stare-down, just genuine attention.

• Face them fully. Stop typing. Put your phone away.

• Use small verbal cues. A simple “I see” or “Go on” shows engagement.

• Ask clarifying questions. It proves you care enough to get it right.

• Reflect emotion, not just words. “That sounds really frustrating” communicates empathy better than advice ever could.

The heart of real listening

At the end of the day, good listening isn’t about technique — it’s about care.

People can tell if you value them by how you listen.

So, this week, slow down. Give someone your full attention.

Don’t plan your response... Simply listen, like you mean it.

To get help with listening and communication, book in a Life Coaching session. For workplaces, click here.